Things I learned from divorce, part 1 - The short list

After writing “For a friend” the following was asked via facebook…

“hi marcie...cud u summarize the lessons u learned...and despite the pain what has made u a better woman post the divorce?”

To answer the first part of the question. Can I summarize the lessons I learned? I’m going to try and break it down simply. It has been 5 years now since my divorce and I feel like sometimes I’m still learning from it…

This is part one for this two part question

-Every marriage is different
-Not every marriage is “meant to be”
-Sometimes we fight to save the wrong things.
-No matter how much you love the idea of marriage, sometimes it’s not worth saving.
-Fighting to make someone love you will never work if they don’t or don‘t know how.
-Sometimes we just make mistakes. No one is perfect.
-It takes two to make a marriage. If only one is trying there’s really no marriage to save
-Sometimes we make poor choices but eventually we have to learn to stop making ourselves suffer for them and move on.
-If you give your all to your marriage, then you should have no regrets in the end.

-Staying in an unhappy marriage “for the sake of your children” will only lead to unhappy, ill adjusted children.
-Your children watch you and learn more from your actions than anything you might ever say to them.
-If you don’t want the kind of relationship you have to be the same for your children then your probably in the wrong kind of relationship.
-Sperm donors are not “fathers“. The man who raises his children, loves his family and lives his life in such a way to show these things is a father.

-Its ok to be angry and hurt, but don’t let it consume you
-Take comfort in knowing that “being the better person” will make you the better person in the end.
-If you “give'um enough rope” they will hang themselves.
-Lawyers on average will cost about the same per hour no matter which one you go with. I recommend getting the best you can afford. One with class doesn’t hurt either.

-Life goes on.
-When given the opportunity, and the right attitude, you will be amazed by the number of people who are there to help support you.
-There are still people who love you.
-If you forgot how, relearn to love yourself
-Learn from your mistakes
-Don’t judge people too quickly
-Don’t trust too quickly either
-For every door that closes another one is waiting to open
-When your ready, love will find you.
　

I am sure this is in no way a “complete” list… but just some highlights that came to mind.