In-laws, Money and Infidelity - The trinity of Divorce

The first time I got married I was 18 years old. I knew in my heart it was wrong from the moment I said, I do. That was my mistake. I had made the commitment and the obligation and I stood by it for many years. I thought that was what you where suppose to do.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I never loved him. I did. But I have learned that there are many kinds of love and love is different depending on the relationship and the circumstance.

In a marriage love has a set of rules. Respect defines these rules. Self respect and the respect for the one you love. Without this a marriage is doomed to start.

It is said there are certain things that doom a marriage to failure. In-laws, money and infidelity.
All these things are dependent on the “respect” rules.

In-laws will never be an issue as long as you and your spouse respect that as a married couple you are “one” and the parents now become secondary to your bond. Being polite and fostering a healthy, happy relationship with the in-laws doesn’t hurt either. As long as the appropriate boundaries are in place or put in place.

Money can be touchy. The easiest way I’ve found to avoid money conflict it to never “blame”. As a married couple you are “one” and therefore the responsibility of your finances are shared. If you feel the need to blame your partner, look to yourself first. When your husband is a good provider, praise him. Men tend to equate showing there love by being supportive. Financially or otherwise. While women tend to place the value on “special” things and tend to “expect” to be supported, as if it’s some kind of right. A man appreciates a woman who understands this and longs to be praised for the daily “gifts” just as much if not more so that the “special” gifts. If you remember this, and your man is a good one, you will be well on your way to marital bliss.

If your husband berates you for money issues ask yourself, “Am I a loving supportive wife in all other aspects?” If your answer is a resounding “Yes”, then he is not being respectful or considerate of you and you are within your rights to gently remind him of such.


My ex and I fought over this topic quite a bit and he loved to blame me, despite the fact that I had many “real world” jobs threw out our marriage. On one occasion I got frustrated an said to him…

“If you had to pay for me you couldn’t afford it”

I think this is something that bares mentioning because I’ve known many women who felt down about not, “working”. Society tells us we have to be everything to everyone and that if we don’t “work” then we’re somehow lacking regardless of how wonderful we may be as mothers or wives.

Let me break it down for you how I see it.

As a wife we run errands, balance the bills, cook, clean, take care of children, and of course provide “personal” comforts for our husbands.

Lets just stop for a moment and look at the current national averages for pay….

Accountant - 44,000
Cook - 31,000
Housekeeper - 22,000
Childcare - 29,000
Personal Assistant - 36,000

So as a wife just based on those 5 criteria alone your annual “income” is now 162,000 a year. And the above figures assume a 40 hour work week. As a wife your on the job 24/7. So excluding 8 hours for sleep just to be “fair” lets times this by a wife’s “working hours”. Now your up to, 486,000 and that still doesnt include weekends.

Think about that the next time someone tries to make you feel “less than” for not having a “real job“. If the average man had to pay your “salary” he couldn’t afford it.



Now infidelity. Also a touchy subject. For some this is very cut and dry. If you cheat, your out. For biblical reference the bible says that if a man “put away” his wife she is entitled to divorce him. So you got God’s ok there.

There are some cases though where people are not so hasty to throw there marriage away. In this case I’d like to share my feelings on this.

I think there are two kinds of cheaters. There is the habitual cheater. This cheater enjoys cheating and will most likely never mend there ways. This cheater is the one we say goodbye to. They will never be faithful, truthful or committed to you so you shouldn’t waste your time.

Then there is the “accidental” cheater. Sometimes mistakes happen. We’re all human and nobody is perfect. Even the most devoted and loving spouse can have an “accident”. I have found that the difference between the two types of men is that a “habitual cheater” has no genuine remorse. This kind of cheater will never really accept they did wrong and will defend themselves and there actions. The accidental cheater will hate himself. He will genuinely hurt for the wrong he’s committed. He will accept and understand your punishment. He knows he deserves it and he is truly sorry.

So there you have it. The trinity of divorce solved in black and white.